Bro tips on how to survive in Nairobi

So you probably must have been told that when you go to Nairobi take care of yourself,be careful and watch your back. Then it was no a lie. I’ve been told so too. And the people who came before us and the people who came before the people who came before us and the people who came before them were also told. Nairobi ni kwa wajanja!

So I came in two and maybe a half a year ago and am grateful that I am here to write this blog (If you understand what I mean) and share the moment with you. And its only good that I share with you the tips I was given and those that I learned along the way. Straight into it we go.

Bro tips on how to survive in “Kanairo

1. Walk Ahead!

When walking in town and you here someone say “Oyaa Oyaa” bro, please don’t look back. Walk like you life depends on it.

2. About Downtown

Downtown is a no go zone . Only if you must. I repeat only if you have to.

3. Eye contact

Avoid eye contact with hawkers. If you do,you just signed a irrevocable purchase contract.

4. Lost? Don’t worry.

If you don’t know your way or are lost,just go to Archives. You willfind your true bearing there.

5. Afya Center

To our kalenjin brothers and sisters,gari zenyu zote ziko Afya Center.

If you have big shoulders or hips,use them to pave your way. Don’t apologize for pushing someone because they won’t too.

6. About pastors and prayers

Don’t let anyone pray for you in the streets. Trust in the God regardless of your situation.

7. About buying things

Never buy black shoes at night. Confirm whatever you buy before it is packed and before you leave or risk buying avocado seed instead of potatoes.

Chapatis are always 10 bob, Smokie 25, Mayai 20

8. In riveroad, they know all visitors.

9. Incase someone drops anything in front of you don’t pick it. Run!

10. About directions

Only ask cops for directions,even watchmen can’t be trusted these days.

11. M-pesa

Withdraw in an M-pesa next to the bus. Ukimaliza ingia gari mkuwaruzane na dond a juu ya change. There is always someone watching you moves

12. Confuse them

Don’t walk on one side of the road. Shift from left to right. On and off the pavements. Be unpredictable.

13. Don’t let the sun burn you out.

Go to KCB KENCOM and pick a bank ticket. Ingia na urelax! You will have a good rest

14. If it rains don’t get rained on.

Ingia supermarket and watch TV on those big Samsung screens. Confidence is the key.

15. About gunshots

If you here a gunshot don’t run. Dunk into the nearest shop or your people will be told aliuliwa na stray bullet Nairobi

16. Pressed?

Cheza kama wewe. Confidence is everything. Don’t go to kanjo toilets. Go to Ushirika house,ask for office 24 and help yourself. Or ingia Hillton, Stanley ama Norwich Union. Believe in yourself.

16. About second hand items!

Lastly Don’t buy second hand items, especially phones or the next day you will have to answer questions like “mlimuua,kicha iko wapi?”

Anyway live life stress free. Drop a like and comment. If you think someone needs to see this,equip them with the skills by sharing widely. Bye for now.

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